how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
