What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
