I'm so fucking centered right now
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
