I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
