WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
