she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize