he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
