my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
