i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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