well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize