Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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