Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
