Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
