if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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