I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
