Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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