omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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