i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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