the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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