Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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