I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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