And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
