Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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