i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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