He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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