if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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