yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
