New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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