I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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