can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize