just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
