just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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