I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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