You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
