the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize