I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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