i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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