The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
birth control should be required to get into college
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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