you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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