he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
did i just pee glitter
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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