1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i think we sleep fucked last night...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
