Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
