Pappa wants mamma naked
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize