Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
