I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
