Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
