It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
