The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize