I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
