All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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