so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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