I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize