I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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