she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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