If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
this is an emotional support booty call
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
