theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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