Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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