Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
