Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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