Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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