Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
