me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
