saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
