THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
