fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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