yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
