Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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