I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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