I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my shit smells like andre
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
