dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize