I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
