I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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