you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Welp...herpes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
