Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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