Betty ford says i'm here all night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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