If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
