My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
