to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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