Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
