So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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