i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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