My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
