the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
