Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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