conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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