cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
