the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Still dying that you shit outside
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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