Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
