Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
