were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
