What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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