I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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